Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize