my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Two words: blizzard sex
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
