This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
