I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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