you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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