YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
