You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
