Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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