Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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