your parents love me but you hate me
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
