god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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