she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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