Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
