fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
