he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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