i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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