ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
