This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
