I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
