Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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