If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
