You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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