Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
