Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
