I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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