Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
