My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
