Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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