I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
barbara walters just said penis...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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