I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.