Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust