So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
