When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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