when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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