do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
