What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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