I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize