Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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