I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
