I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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