The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
