Say something about gay babies.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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