We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
