my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
