I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
