Quick, to the slutcave!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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