so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
