im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
