i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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