I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
