Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
