My friends, they love my intelligence
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
