he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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