woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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