Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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