Don't you send me to vm
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
