party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
