her vagine was all disorganized.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
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I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
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I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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