What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
