This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
