I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
